I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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