I hate your face
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
