marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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