If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are leaves in my underwear?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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