Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
