I accidentally had phone sex last night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
