Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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