mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
