i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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