Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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