4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
