a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
