tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
