The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
