Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize