I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
