So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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