I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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