YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
