hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
