Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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