Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
