are you so shy because you have an std?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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