Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fill condoms, not promises.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
