I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
