I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
two words: eviction party
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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