i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
