I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
