Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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