I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
