We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
