Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
