Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
