she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
