Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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