I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
