I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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