Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
