He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
