look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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