If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
