i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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