On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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