I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
