If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When are your genitals available?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
