So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
