oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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