I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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