I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You need Xanax blowdarts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
