Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
