Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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