he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
