We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
