tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
