why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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