is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
