he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
