Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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