I skipped work to stalk him.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
