My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
