If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
