I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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