Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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