i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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