I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
where does the pee come out of this thing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
