I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
