I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
