I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
