what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
