We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
