I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
