Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
