We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
