she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
