I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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