You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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