it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
