Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
